SHOWTIME!!

It's another wedding reception at the VFW banquet hall with all the usual hundred cousins, second cousins, grand-parents, uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews. I'm sitting at a table with immediate family enjoying a big dinner. At the table directly across from me is my second cousin, a man at least as wide as he is tall, and he is packing the food down HARD! I mean this guy's a two-fisted eater!! Rude as it may be, I CAN NOT TAKE MY EYES OFF HIM!

Then the inevitable happens. He gags, coughs, and shudders. The big man reaches for his throat, and I can see his bulging eyes get even bigger. He's choking! He rises and staggers back, bumping into a fifty gallon trash can. Oh SHIT! WHAT TO DO?!! No one's arms are long enough to reach around and perform the Heimlich maneuver, and these folding chairs would collapse if we tried to lean him over one. Then, with both his hands on the trash can,  he leans forward and begins alternately puking and coughing for a good five minutes. FINALLY, he takes a full breath of air. THANK GOD!!! He's going to be alright! We all breathe a sigh of relief.

The man goes back to his seat after regaining his composure and begins where he left off, shoveling mounds of food into his face.